Get all of the latest EMFHL news feeds direct to your rss client. http://www.emfhl.com/ Tue, 07 Sep 2010 18:10:29 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.emfhl.com//images/M_images/joomla_rss.png http://www.emfhl.com/ Get all of the latest EMFHL news feeds direct to your rss client. http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=436&Itemid=61 Hamilton, ONOn the eve of the EMFHL Prime Minsters Cup finals, the Dubai Desert Barons are getting ready to face their arch nemesis Hamilton Hellnhounds in a predictable match up of the two regular season conference champions. Both teams had a relatively easy time getting to the cup finals, but faced very different opponents on their way there.The Hellhounds eliminate their division rival Quakers in 6 very hard fought games. Despite predictions of doom and gloom from GM Colin Ferguson. The Hellhounds then had a fairly easy time eliminating the vaunted Hunters in 5 games. The Hunters veteran laden line up clearly could not match the speed of the Hellhounds more youthful depth. The Desert Barons had arguably and easier road to the finals although they seemed to struggle at times. In the division finals, the Barons managed to get past the London Cavemen in 6 games, but were stifled offensively for the most part. The depth of Barons was the difference in that series with all 6 games being very close. In the conference finals, the up and coming Gamblers won 2 games despite being outshot and outplayed. But eventually, the Desert Barons found their grove and won in 6 dominating games. Winning the final 2 games by a combined 22-6. This sets up a battle that should be bitter and full of name calling and poo poo talk. And that started this afternoon at the open practice sessions for each team. Fist, Hellhound coach Fluffy Ferguson coughed up this fur ball: MEOWWW, my little pretties will destroy those sand blasting oil thieves. Dimmeow Borgir and Chuck Ott will wreak havoc on them and Colin Ferguson JR will come out of his slump and prove his Tim Hortons worthiness. MEOWWW, Barons coach Vogelsberg is going to crumble under the pressure and hit the bottle pretty hard. Which will make for an easy win for us Coach/GM Vogelsberg responded with this slanderous tirade: What the hell is a cat doing coaching a bunch of dogs? Fluffy, you'd better check you food dish, cause I just cracked open a can of whoop ass for dinner and will feed it to you tonight. As for Upchuck and Dimented Booger, pah. Battleford and Watt are going to dominate you into submission. And CF JR, he's 2- and will be a non factor. We all know he slumps under pressure, just like Colin Ferguson SR. That silly English k-nigh-it, I fart in his general direction. Oh yeah, Liverpool sucks too. Clearly, the 2 most mature teams did not reach the finals. - Abid Ali Akmoud, Beat Reporter for the Khaleej Times Tue, 30 Oct 2007 11:14:15 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=435&Itemid=61 Dubai, UAE The Year 17 regular season EMFHL awards were announced by the league offices and it was nearly a clean sweep for the Hounds from Hell aka Hamilton Hellhounds. Only the Scotty Bowman and George Hainsworth trophies went to other organizations. Here are how the awards broke down:Charles Sutton Trophy- League's Most Valuable Player: Dimmu Borgir- Hamilton HellhoundsRunner up: Chuck Ott Jr.-Hamilton HellhoundsTim Horton Award- Best Defenceman: Colin Ferguson Jr. Hamilton HellhoundsRunner up: Mathieu Biron- Hamilton HellhoundsScotty Bowman Award- Best General Manager: Zane Vogelsberg- Dubai Desert BaronsRunner up: Quinn Carter- Kingston QuakersRejean Houle Award- Best Rookie: Fonzie Sisopha- Hamilton HellhoundsRunner up: Micah Smalley- BulldogsGeorge Hainsworth- Best Goaltender:Roy Lablanc- Kingston QuakersRunner up: Tyberius Rex- Hamilton HellhoundsBludgeoning Trout Award:Not quite unanimous, but once again, Colin Ferguson can lay claim to the league's most unimpressive and least desirable award.Following the awards announcement, Desert Barons Coach/GM made the following proclamation at a press conference outside the new Emirates Palace Arena:First off, I would like to thank all of my fellow GM's, coaches and members of the press for awarding me the Scotty Bowman award for an overwhelming 3rd year in a row. It is really an honour and I hope that it means I have made the league more enjoyable for everyone. Second, I would like to congratulate my fellow award winners and in particular, Roy Leblanc of the Quakers. To win goalie of the year in that incredibly high powered division is an amazing achievement. And congratulations to the Hellhounds for having almost every one of their first line players either win or finish second in an award.Third, I must comment on Colin Ferguson JR winning the Tim Hortons award. I hope it feels good to win an award out of pity instead of earning it. Clearly Biron was the better player, but Colin's sad and pathetic begging to the rest of the league to give votes to CF Jr instead of Biron was most unimpressive. We all know that Colin seeks validation vicariously through his EMFHL players and that he is very sensitive to rejection. So here you go buddy, enjoy it. Heck, if you buy me a case of beer I'll throw the finals and you can claim that trophy too Finally, I want to let everyone know that I have moved out of the toxic fumed filled condo near the Dubai oile fields to a very nice downtown penthouse. As such, I am feeling much better now. My final quest to find the jade monkey before dawn!A rather strange and irrelevant ending to conference. Look for our finals preview in the next edition of the Khaleej Times.- Abid Ali Akmoud, Beat Reporter for the Khaleej Times Tue, 30 Oct 2007 10:39:14 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=410&Itemid=61 Dubai, UAEThe Balco steroid scandal which has rocked major league baseball, football and the US Olympic team has now hit the EMFHL. Former Dubai Desert Baron and now retired EMFHL'er John Wayne has admitted to US congress that not only did he lie to congress when asked about using steroids, but that he a several other EMFHL players, whom he refused to name, willingly and knowingly used steroids during EMFHL seasons 14 and 15. Wayne is in the midst of writing a new tell all book which apparently names names. Not only in the EMFHL, but in many other major US sports. Wayne was not available for comment but did release the following statement: I have to come clean and admit that I, along with several training mates and fellow EMFHL'ers used steroids willingly and knowingly. While training in the off season prior to year 14 with Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, Ben Johnson and Carl Drega, we were approached by sales men from Balco who offered us various forms of performance enhancing drugs. When my Barons team mates and fellow EMFHL players saw the incredible positive effect that the drugs had on my performance, they asked me to help them source the drugs. I will not name any names but let's just say that many of the players in the semi finals are going to find themselves talked about in my new book. Which by the way is in stores just in time for Christmas Rumours are running rampant as to which players will be named in the book and whether any of the players currently in the playoffs are still users. The EMFHL is the last professional league in North America to implement mandatory drug testing. When approached on the subject, Desert Barons GM/Coach Zane Vogelsberg had this to say: John (Wayne) has been bitter ever since we cut him after year 15 and this is clearly nothing more than a publicity stunt. The only drugs our players use is marijuana, and possibly cocaine. But steroids, come on. I mean, have you seen the shape some of these guys are in. They make the guys in that Slap Shot movie look like Mr Universe. I can see that Drega guy taking roids and then quitting because he was scared of getting caught. I mean how can you explain someone's talent dropping so much between years 16 and 17? And certainly Sisopha's incredible improvement is very suspicious. But overall, I can definitively say that the EMFHL does not have a steroid problem. When asked to comment, EMFHL league officials were not available. - Abid Ali Akmoud, Beat Reporter for the Khaleej Times Sun, 07 Oct 2007 21:54:12 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=409&Itemid=61 Dubai UAE, The EMFHL playoffs have moved along at a rapid pace, and now it is officially the Final Four. Dubai fans are excited as for the first time in the team's 3 year history in Dubai, the Desert Barons are in the conference finals. After a hard fought 4-1 series win over the Cavemen, the Desert Barons are getting some much needed rest and relaxation as they prepare for the Ganonoque Gamblers. Barons Coach/GM Zane Vogelsberg held a press conference on Sunday to discuss the playoffs to this point First off, I want to congratulate our players on getting to the conference finals. But we still have higher goals to achieve. The Gamblers are a very formidable opponent and we will have to play our best to beat them. That starts on Day 17. We are going to play nastier, dirtier and funnier in hopes of advancing to the cup finals. And I will personally buy each of our players a bottle of 20 year Scotch for each round that we advance. We have a lot of heavy drinkers on the team so I hope that promise will cost me!I would also like to congratulate the Hunters, Gamblers and Hellhounds for their successes thus far - well, not the Hellhounds. They clearly cheated and whined too much about how they were going to lose. It is tough to win in the playoffs and they should all be proud of their accomplishments. When looking at the final four, the regular season seems to have been a harbinger for playoff success as the 4 regular season division champions are the 4 conference finalists. Will that trend hold true? The hometown Barons sure hope so.- Abid Ali Akmoud, Beat Reporter for the Khaleej Times Sun, 07 Oct 2007 21:30:29 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=366&Itemid=61 This year's EMFHL playoffs looks to be as competitive as ever. With that, here is how the staff at the Khaleej Times are picjing round 1: Baracuda (3) @ Quakers (2)This is going to be the best of the first round matchups with 2 of the elite Cup contenders duking it out. Watching this series will show why winning the division was so huge for the Hellhounds. The Cuda will try to use their formula of defense, goaltending and stellar power play (#1 in the regular season). The Quakers had the best GAA while being the 2nd highest scoring team in the league. The Quakers come in red hot, winners of 11 straight. The key to the series will be on the thrid line where we give the edge goes to the Quakers, albeit barely.Prediction - Quakers in 6 Jesters (3) @ Bulldogs (2)Despite a 14 pt differential in the standings, the Jesters come in red hot (8-1-1 in their last 10) and the Bulldogs are struggling after moving a lot of their veteran talent. Since the arrest of Michael Vick, the Bulldogs seem lost and reeling. While the Jesters have benefited from moving many of their veteran players for younger, fresher legs.Prediction - Jesters in 7Flapjacks (3) @ Torpedoes (2)The Flapjacks backed in to the final playoff spot in the Sawchuk by the slimmest of margins and don't seem long for these playoffs. The Torpedoes struggled down the stretch but had a solid 2nd half overall. The Torpedoes appear to have too much talent and depth for the Flapjacks to handle, but if Billy Smith can assert himself early in the series, then it could be close. We are not betting on that happening.Prediction - Torpedoes in 5Fury (3) @ Cavemen (2)Simply put, too many slumps for the Fury, too many streaks for the Cavemen and in key areas. The Fury will need to work some solid line making tricks to hang in this series which is a difficult proposition for any team. We see too much strength on the Cavemen top line with their streaks. The Fury powerplay will need to be stellar to keep this close.Prediction - Cavemen in 5 Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:45:30 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=364&Itemid=61 Dubai, UAEThe year 17 regular season has come to a close and it ended as a successful one for the Desert Barons. Despite being in last place in the Tretiak division back on day 18, the Desert Barons turned things around thanks to a series of trades and some stellar play by several unheralded forwards. The Barons failed to reach 100 pts for the 2nd straight year, but did claim their 2nd straight Tretiak Division title and their 2nd straight Imlach conference title. And finished 3rd overall in the league. But fans are still cautious as the playoffs approach due to the teams quick exit in last year's playoffs. Anything short of winning the cup will be a disappointment for the fans, and we know that. But I think we have plenty of alcohol to go around and take that edge of commented a subdued coach Vogelsberg as he prepared for a weekend excursion to Chicago. Last year we were quite proud of ourselves for winning the regular season and got a bit cocky when the playoffs rolled around. I don't exepect the same mistake this time around. The first Desert Barons home game at the new Emirates Palace arena will be game 1 of round 2 against either the defending champion Fury or the rising Cavemen. All of the possible playoff tickets have been sold out with the highest face value being $3,500 USD for first row centre line seats. Stay tuned for the Khaleej Times first round playoff preview.- Abid Ali Akmoud, Beat Reporter for the Khaleej Times Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:28:28 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=352&Itemid=61 Yay! Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:28:35 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=341&Itemid=61 1. Chuck has gone from not being on the leaderboard in scoring, to being 2nd only to Dimmu Borgir in scoring. Since coming on board with the Hellhounds, he has scored about 55 points and gone +40 in 23 games. He was also first again in the EMFHL to score 50 goals in a season. 2. The Armageddon have lost 23 consecutive games since he was traded. No other significant changes have been made to the Armageddon's roster (aside from Clancy being replaced with LIbby) or lines. This will give you an indication of how important he was to the Armageddon. So remember on voting day, Chuck Ott Jr is a massive beast and you must acknowledge his coolness! ...Bengt Stickle reporting for the Iqaluit Newspaper THingy! Tue, 18 Sep 2007 15:15:03 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=334&Itemid=61 Well, this time its alongside Xenon Zagreb but yes once again, Chuck Ott Jr's flash returns as he is the first player to score 50 goals this season with his 2 in last night's game against the Quakers. Ott is now tied with Johnny Klik for 2nd on the scoring leaderboard next to teammate Dimmu Borgir. Since being acquired by the Hellhounds though, he has been in a class unto himself where no EMFHLer can match Since joining the Hellhounds, Ott has scored 23 goals, 29 assists 51 points and is +37 in 21 games. That translates to in a season 80 goals, 101 assists, 181 points and +127. Sounds more like the Chuck Ott Jr. we all know, doesn't it? Chuck has passed the 1000 point plateau and is now setting his sights on catching up on the alltime scoring list with the likes of players like Pottsy Collins, Larry Mullen and now Carl Drega. Armageddon fans miss their star but are happy to cheer him on as he races to the top! ...Bengt Stickle reporting for the Iqaluit Newspaper Thingy! Sun, 16 Sep 2007 10:17:10 +0100 http://www.emfhl.com//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=314&Itemid=61 EMFHL Head OfficeToday, one of the biggest cheating scandals in the history of the EMFHL came to a close in an Ottawa civil court room. Allegations that the North Bay Barracuda have been spying on rivals was brought to final decision Thursday afternoon, with the Barracuda franchise being found guilty of several spying offenses. The fine levied to the Barracuda was equal to $100 Million Canadian and a couple of beers. The league had been very good at keeping the scandal under raps, allowing the civil courts to weigh all of the evidence without outside interference from the media and fans. The core of the case revolved around a fish tank that the Desert Barons keep in their dressing room. Desert Barons officials claimed that Greg Steele (GM/Coach of the Barracuda) broke in to the dressing room and put several Barracuda in to the tank to spy on and record Desert Barons planning. The Barons realized something was up when the 35 small gold fish they had put in the tank disappeared and 3 larger fish with sharp teeth and hockey jerseys replaced them. Amongst the Barracuda who were alleged to be in the tank were Riley Jones, D. Montgomery and TwoDogs Lockhart. The Barracuda argued that it would be impossible for their Barracuda to be in the tank and still playing in the league. But when the Desert Barons play book was found in the house of Mr Steele, that seemed to turn the judge in favour of the Barons. Fri, 14 Sep 2007 11:00:28 +0100